Love and the rising star

Many of us perceive our favourite pop stars as being single, because that’s the way we want them and the way we want to see them, and many of them are, leaving allot of us totally disheartened when we find out our favourite heart throb is totally unavailable or worse still, happily married.

So, how does love in the music industry really affect the stars of today?


Many Bands and Solo artists I have interviewed think it’s pretty near impossible to hold down a relationship whilst pursuing a music career, as there aren’t enough hours in the day as it is!


The general thoughts are that maybe it can work, if both partners are equally as busy and absent from home, as they can both understand each other’s needs and not be waiting around all the time. Some surprisingly admitted that they never really found anyone that’s as important to them as their music is, so it’s not been a problem for them. It is, however, admitted by most, that it’s good to get out there and score a bit of romance from time to time because when it goes horribly wrong and you’re at home nursing a broken heart, it can work in your favour creatively as you could have a hit song on your hands. But as heartless as that may seem, these are the true facts of life for some in this industry, and behind that gleaming smile in front of the cameras is nothing but loneliness or a broken heart. Sadly pop stardom comes with a price.


With this in mind, I feel that maybe this is why a lot of potential artists just stick to playing the local circuit, keeping their relationships alive and in check and not upsetting the apple cart. This way they get the best of both worlds and both parties are happy.

In recent interviews with touring bands across the globe, I asked this very same question and was surprised to receive a wide range of views showing me that what is good for some, doesn’t necessarily suit others.


Some believe that being involved in the music industry can be very lonely at times, putting strain notonly on you but your partner and relationship also. Allot of artists turn to their vices, usually found in the music industry, to take the edge off and help them cope. 


For some, it improves their performance, but for others, it ruins the whole package as they fall from grace, but generally it calms the nerves, enabling you to carry on burning the candle at both ends, which is always the case on tour.


But trying to find that perfect someone to balance your hectic lifestyle, and maintain a healthy relationship is very rare, and sometimes it’s easier to casually date and lay your cards on the table from the start, so you know where you both stand without hurting one another. 


It’s harder still trying to build yourself and your craft and keep a partner happy, this can be very painful and sometimes you lose your identity as a performer. It’s also difficult spending those long nights recording, or finding time and a peaceful place to write or compose, and this will also have a bearing on a partner as often they won’t understand and find it strange.


It’s hard to strike a balance and find peace in this, whilst investing your time in a partner, and trying to get to the top of your ladder to be the best you can possibly be. At the end of the day, if that someone doesn’t love you enough to understand and be there for you then you can rest assured they won’t stick around.


This path is filled with allot of pain and heartache, but the moment you find that perfect person, you will look back and realise that your struggle has been worthwhile.

But some don’t cope with it at all, and there is often conflict as you trade your time in a relationship to your other love of performing. This is where bad feelings linger, and soon it falls apart, and is evident in many songs written by the stars, or any band for that matter, as they pen their deepest thoughts on paper to help them cope, and this usually ends up as a hit song. One great quote that was handed to me recently was;


 If you do crazy, you attract crazy ”.


This is very true, and according to most males in the industry, they stay single for the very same reasons written here, and just stick to the groupies, as they know the score. But sadly, even they start to huff and puff as soon as they get back on stage and pick up the instrument that attracted them to you in the first place. Some find that it’s best to date someone that has no interest in what they do, as I was recently told;

Most are soul hoovers 


Most bands and solo artists have got the right idea, although it’s tempting sometimes not to, and that’s to stay single and focus on their career, that way no one gets hurt. This is also the best way to get to the top. 

Once you are there, you can step back a bit and see where the interest lies. Anyone that has stuck around for any lengthy period is usually the one, but don’t lose focus in the meantime, and be true to yourself because once you jump the train, it’s hard to get back on again, and then you are left with the age old problem of them not being interested anymore as the limelight has gone. You just can’t win.


As a solo artist, dating or being in a serious relationship can be really hard at the best of times with a busy career, especially when travelling all the time and meeting new people, and jealousy usually steps in. For most, their busiest time is at the weekend, when partners are off and wanting their company. Unfortunately, they are usually left seeing them across a crowded room, or fleetingly in-between meet and greets and interviews, and might just catch each other’s eye as a passing glance.


Some get as far as engagement, only to find it doesn’t work out as their partner doesn’t understand their busy work schedule, with the usual comment;

What about me” or “What about us”, and find it pointless meeting two or three hours a week. Sadly for some performers, said partners knew them whilst they were performing, and find it’s a very selfish act when they are dropped because of this.


Anyone new to the Fame Game must think seriously about the repercussions involved here, and  must think very seriously as to what they are taking on and must think twice, relationship or career


This also works the other way around too, and a perspective partner must realise this also, and if either can’t commit or strike a balance, then it’s best to call it a day. Some have learnt that they need to find someone that can support them 100% in all their dreams, as you would for them, and be there for them through thick and thin, and not hold them back or give any ultimatums. The trick here is to learn from your past and find that perfect person to enjoy the journey with you, and when you do, enjoy every minute with them.

Others tell me they are happily married because their partner supports them in everything they do, and the band they are in. This is often reciprocated by the performer, by not hanging around in bars, unless it’s a gig where their partner is anyway. Some have cut down or even stopped drinking altogether to avoid complications and say “life is good all round now”.

A few have told me that being in the studio until the small hours, makes it difficult to hold down anything solid in a relationship, and a partner would have to be very patient and understanding. And as that is near impossible for some, most tell me they have no time for all the grief, and just focus on their career and someday hope to find room for it all.

There is one good solution brought to me by an artist, and that’s to just simply take their partner to concerts and spend that time together, and have found no matter the issue you must always find that common ground, and that music always saves the day.

Another great solution is to be in a band with your partner, as one singer recently told me;

“You must set rules that state The band is the band and the relationship is separate. When it comes to making decisions within the band, you don’t bring your relationship into it.”

It was also said, that anyone dating someone in the music industry must first have a greater understanding of the passion behind what they do, and the many different aspects of the role that are set to a certain standard. When someone is in a band, it’s not just about performing and playing the music as there is allot more going on behind the scenes that takes up allot of time. So, being honest with each other helps the longevity with any couple in the music scene.

This, however, could also be an accident waiting to happen, especially If you split, as it could also split the band too, and you have to be a very strong couple to ensure this doesn’t happen. Others say;

“Being in a band is what we do, and some people don’t understand that. It’s like breathing, we have to do it”.

It’s hard to separate your time with someone else and do what you love, and you never want that person to feel second best, but unfortunately that’s what it all boils down to in the end, as not many understand the passion a musician has behind their craft.

One performer told me, that the hardest part of any relationship as a musician, is that it’s like having a love affair in itself, as you are pretty much married to the music, and that nearly every relationship they have had has failed because of this, and is seldom appreciated. This makes them sad, frustrated and annoyed, which is not a good thing when trying to be creative. Finding someone with a life of their own works, and if trust is in place it works beautifully.

As an International Music Journalist and a performer myself, I can relate to all of this too, on both counts, as I am usually found burning the candle at both ends to achieve my goals in the industry. Mostly I am on continental time to finish what I am doing. Through this, over the years, I have had my share of relationships, and could quite easily tick everything off previously mentioned here. For me to succeed, its best to stay single, enjoy the company of those I meet along the way, and never lose focus on my goals. Looking back, as I was married for twenty years, I realized that I would not of got this far and achieved what I have if I was still attached.

So, no matter whether you are just starting out on your journey in the industry or whether you have been at it for years, remember these three simple rules;

Start as you mean to go on!

Set the rules first by being honest and laying your cards on the table!

Failing that, concentrate on your career and be true to yourself as this chance of a lifetime only comes but once!


                                                                                                               © Stargazer Music Magazine 2020

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